The Story of the Pearls

My dear friend Jackie shared this really powerful story with me at a time that I really needed to hear it, and it has really made an impact on me as I am starting a new chapter, nay-a new book, in my life. Though sometimes life throws you curves that you might not understand in the least at the time, God knows the beginning and end of your story, and always wants to give you the most precious gifts that lead to true happiness. Or so I hope, as I am growing, learning and struggling.

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."

"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver,she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

What are you hanging on to?

--- Author Unknown

My Reality

Although, I originally intended this blog to help me with ideas for my thesis, I think that a theology-based blog also should include some real-life experiences because what is faith or theology if not practical at it's core?

Sister Nicole, a Marianist sister that I know through my internship at the Marianist Family Retreat Center in New Jersey and through the Marianist world in general, posted a prayer on her blog post the other day that was really poignant for me at this time in my life. It's called the "Prayer for Openness" by Joyce Carol Rupp, and it speaks to the ebbs and flows of life and how when one season closes, another opens.

This is really relatable to me because for the past year or so, I have been in an international long-distance relationship. What this means is that my "reality" is that I am able to see my love for a few weeks (sometimes even over a month, like this past summer) and then have to say good-bye for a few months before I see him again. For me, everso good at change (sarcasm), it is really difficult for me to transition from being with him to being apart, though I have definitely gotten better with practice.

What I have learned from this experience is that there really is no "normal" when it comes to what being in a relationship is like. Sure, I wish that I could see him on weekends or call him in the same time zone, but my reality right now is that I have to count 6 hours ahead before I pick up the phone, and that the times that I do see him are precious because it takes time and money to reach each other. No matter what the circumstance, God has given me the strength to adapt to my new reality, and I thank him every day for that gift.

Prayer for Openness
Spirit of freedom,
open my mind and my heart.
Lift the barriers,
unbind the strong grasp of my demands
when I want everything to go my way.

God of spaciousness,
reach into my inner space,
sweep out all the old clutter,
enlarge my capacity to receive.

Bringer of truth,
empty me of whatever impedes
the growth of our relationship.
Help me recognize and accept
your sources for my growth.

Creator of the seasons of life,
soften my resistance to emptying.
May I welcome each inner season
as a catalyst for my transformation.

Faithful Friend,
deepen my trust in you.
Ease my doubts, fears, and discouragements.
When I am feeling vulnerable,
remind me that you are my safe haven.

Divine Mystery,
may I be ever more rooted in you.
Draw me into solitude.
Entice me into endless encounters
where I experience oneness with you.

Holy Whisper,
open the ears of my heart.
May I hear your voice within the silence
as well as within the noise of my life.
Re-awaken me
so that I can listen to you wholeheartedly.

Bringer of Good and Giver of Growth,
we yearn to be open and receptive
to your generosity.
May we trust your presence amidst the cycle
of emptying and filling.

God Will Take Care?

For me, all it takes is one good professor. I am the type of person who just "knows" when there is something that I want or like- I am proud of my keen sense of intuition and it has served me well throughout the years. I knew that I wanted to go to UD the minute I set foot on campus, and had the best four years of my life, no hesitations, no "pros and cons" list. I am like that with a lot of things, including the major that I chose. Ever since I was in 7th grade I knew that I wanted to be a youth minister and major in Theology. 12 years has past since I first felt that vocational call, and very rarely have I wavered from that knowledge that that is what I am meant to study, that is what I am meant to do- be a theologian. However, ever since I settled in to the "real world" with a "big person" job, I seem to be getting even more fearful about this chosen career path with each passing day.

I like to get paid a salary, and know that I can be financially independent from my parents (well, besides the cell phone bill but who's counting). I live alone, have my own car and have the benefit of treating myself to sushi and buying new outfits pretty much whenever I please. My other religious studies/theoligical studies counterparts are working in ministry fields or trying to find a job in academia, with little to no money to their name. As I see my fellow theologians struggle in this economy, in this job market, it makes me less and less willing to give up everything and keep pursuing theology...because with it comes inevitable money troubles. But if you do what you love and follow what you think to be your true vocation, God will take care...right??

Yesterday I started a new class called Ecclesiology (the study of the Church) with a world reknowned professor. Immediately, I felt the sense of peace in knowing that this is what I am meant to do, and that after all of these years I still LOVE it. That's all that it took for me- one great professor to remind me that financial security is nothing compared to doing what you love, especially when you are young and don't have to take care of a family. I can't let my fear of living in a box or being jobless for a while deter me from something that brings a spring to my step and gives me a purpose in life. Getting paid is nice, but I have to believe that God will help me if I try to do his will.

I don't know if I will ever get a job teaching Theology. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just done something practical like study business or engineering. But I can't live my life in fear, giving in to the secular view that there are only certain disciplines, certain careers that are "valuable". Security is merely an illusion, as Helen Keller sagely noted. I may be poor, but at least I will be happy and know that I took the risk of pursuing my dreams. Oh money.......

"That Time"

I’ll admit it. At the drop of a hat, I could be batting for the other team. However, at this point in my life, as a young 20-something, I want to make sure that I write down this insight, however naïve or short-sighted it may be. Only two short years ago, my fellow classmates and I were contemplating if we should go out and party or stay in to study, whether we should hook up with said “fling” or not, or whether beer before liquor truly does make you sicker. Granted, we still had our share of serious problems as well- should we try to follow our significant other after graduation, should we go to grad school, take the career route or do a year of service. After graduation, we had to learn how to find an apartment on our own, how to pay for utilities, what “professionalism” truly means, and how to find a suit that fits. Amidst these growing pains came new expectations that seemed to pop out of nowhere- because with new steps in life come new societal pressures. In relationships, this means realizing that a college boyfriend either becomes just a young love or a potential husband, and that we are no longer playing “college” anymore, but real life. As soon as I graduated from my fun and careless life at college, wedding invitations and talk of embossed napkins and initialed towels came bombarding into my life. Which led me to wonder- is this “that time”, and if so, why did it seem to come out of nowhere?
With all of the talk about white weddings and engagement photos, it makes a non-married girl wonder what changed all of a sudden and if this path of college, marriage and kids should be a sign of success for females in a society supposedly trying to liberate itself from patriarchal norms. Most of all, it concerns me that females at certain older ages feel as if they have done something wrong or that their lives are not as valuable because they haven’t reached these relational milestones. Sure, I have always wanted to get married, and when I have attended the weddings of truly holy and committed friends I am a blubbering baby filled with joy for the happy couple. But I sometimes worry that in a country where about 50% of marriages end in divorce (caveat: this statistic takes into account people who have been divorced 3, 4, 5 or more times and counts them all as individual divorces) why there is still a palpable pressure for young women of a certain age to “settle-down” and all of a sudden stop thinking of frat parties and honors theses and start thinking of caterers and baby bassinets.
Among my fellow 20-somethings, I have heard stories of people feeling that pressure to get married and so give their significant other an ultimatum. Most of the time, this involves a girl pressuring her boyfriend to propose or else break up with her. What is so problematic about this type of pressure between couples themselves is that if someone does “give in”, they are doing so for the wrong reasons, abandoning their own desire to have more time and to make sure that they are really ready. When both partners are not fully committed to getting married, there almost always is one person who has betrayed themselves by brushing aside their own need to discern such an important life vocation. Although I have found myself having thoughts of what my future holds as I am “advancing” in age (something you might laugh at when you realize I’m only 24), I have realized that if two people are going to make the commitment to spend the rest of their lives together, then there is no rush and should be no rush in this very important process of discernment. And that is what it is—a discernment. I would expect no less of someone discerning to be a priest, or someone discerning whether or not they want to join a volunteer corps or a certain profession. These things take time, and there is no “right time” that they should happen….it’s just organic. Marriage is a vocation, one that should be given time and that should be chosen by both partners whole-heartedly at their own pace. This does not always mean that there is a certain age or time of life for marriage, but rather a certain state of mind and spirit. Societal pressure must not get the best of couples who want to take the sacrament of marriage seriously- after all, it’s not about the wedding, it’s about what comes after that. Maybe that is what they mean by surrendering to Kairos (God’s time) instead of Chronos (the world’s time).

Thesising Day and Night....

Can I just say that I am obsessed with my developing thesis topic and all of the researching that goes along with it? Hi, my name is Karen and I have an addiction to academia. I hate to admit this to the world, but sometimes I get excited about Friday nights because I can read for my thesis and not have to worry about work the next day....wow, I can't believe I just said that out loud. Thank you in advance for being my friend.

Anywhos, I have been developing my thesis topic, which in case people were waiting with breath that is bated since my last post, is about Redefining Female Sexuality in a Post-Vatican II Church (That is part of my title, in fact). I have been reading a book for my independent study class called "Freeing Theology" and it is a compilation of different articles on different subjects in the feminist theology realm. I have been honing in on topics that relate to female sexuality and how the Church has defined and then redefined it over the decades, and came across a section in an article by Lisa Sowle Cahill (my new theologian crush) that really caught my attention.

Though not related specifically to my thesis, I thought that this was interesting to post. It relates to homosexual Catholics and their sexuality. After Vatican II, there was a shift from viewing sex not just as a physical act aimed at procreation, but as an act of intimacy that is relational and highly spiritual- that brings two people together in an act of mutual love. In Cahill's article, entitled "Feminism and Christian Ethics- Moral Theology", she brings up the controversial topic of homosexual intimacy, and I thought that this paragraph was brilliant and definitely insightful:

" The displacement of the procreative purpose of sex by its affective and communicative ones also has signaled increased openness toward lesbian and gay relationships, although moralists vary in the interpretation given to them. However, even ethicists who regard the significance of shared parenthood to be a cross-cultural human meaning of sex, entailing a privileged status for heterosexual marriage, may regard the committed sexual relationships of homosexual couples as morally acceptable. Neither condemnation of gay persons nor the demand that they remain celibate is easy to reconcile with the fact that sexual orientation is a deep component of personal identity and the realization that gay persons are as capable as heterosexual ones of manifesting a range of human and Christian virtues in their lives."

To that I say...Amen sistah! Mother Church turns her wheels very slowly, but there are movements at the grass roots that are calling for another "aggiornamento".

Alright, I'm gonna go and try to save my nerdy reputation by buying cute outfits and going out drinking with girlfriends....