Speaking of tv, I am definitely a Gleek and not afraid to admit it. I think that especially at the end of last season, the writers were brilliant when covering really hard topics like gay teens, teen pregnancy, sex in general, and mental illness. The "Born this Way" episode was amazing to me because it really empowered people to embrace who they really are, especially in the arena of mental health. Probably my favorite part of that episode was when Emma, the guidance counselor was in the therapist's office and finally admitted to herself how ashamed she was of having OCD. The therapist said to her, "Mental illness isn't who you are, it's preventing you from becoming who you are." She also spoke boldly about how mental illness is so stigmatized in this country and although most people deal with it, no one wants to talk about it. Brilliant.
Fast forward to about a month ago, when they continued to tell the story about Emma's OCD and how it affected the relationship with Will, her boyfriend/star of the show. When her parents came over for dinner (much to her horror), you could see how much of Emma's upbringing had contributed to and perhaps even created her OCD. Mental illnesses are definitely biological, however they are definitely also socially created by the actions/reactions that we have as children. The episode ended with Will trying to comfort Emma, who was in her own little world of pain, with the Cold Play song "Fix You" playing in the background. This episode was eerily similar to what was going on in my own emotional journey at the time when I watched it, and it definitely touched me.
In one of my classes, I wrote a response paper about H. Richard Niebuhr's book The Responsible Self, shortly after this episode aired. My paper revolved around the idea that for Niebuhr, morality is a person's response to actions done to him/her. Niebuhr views morality as responding to that which is acted or placed upon a person in their life. We as human beings and as moral agents are always in community, and there is no denying that the way we live and the way that we act is always integrally connected with interpretations of other people's actions and responses. We are communal beings, and for better of for worse, the way that we view ourselves is based on what we think others want us to be or what we think others think of us. In his chapter on the meaning of responsibility, Niebuhr claims that in our responsibility a person may attempt to answer the question "What should I do?" by raising a prior question of "What is going on?" or "What is being done to me?" It is impossible in Niebuhr's eyes to understand events or act upon each other as persons or groups without constantly interpreting the meaning behind another's actions.
Karen, where are going with this?? The reason that I am a big proponent of mental health awareness is because I myself have anxiety disorder. I have had it all my life I think, but it started to really flare it's nasty, cruel head in college. Ever since then, my relationships have been affected by it, and I have defined myself by it. Some people in my life have contributed to my anxiety, and some people have helped to calm me down. I am not at all saying that we aren't responsible for the way that we deal with our feelings (I know that I am in charge of getting help for myself and can't blame others for the way that I react to things), but I do acknowledge that my anxiety is not something that is an isolated affair, it is helped or hindered by my responses to other people's actions.
I have thought, many, many times, that if people found out what my anxiety truly looked like, they would want to run away. And some people have run away, which affirmed my great fear. But some people have seen me and stayed. Many of the people in my theology department here in Chicago have seen me in a bad state of anxiousness, and instead of fleeing, they stayed. That action caused me to have a reaction of peace, of calm...even if it was only for a few hours. I am eternally grateful for the people in my life, especially my family and dear friends who have sat with my by the bed like Will did for Emma in Glee, and lived out the song lyric "I will try to fix you."
The famous sociologist Charles Cooley present the image of the "looking-glass self" when describing the way that we view ourselves. "Each to each a looking glass reflects the other that doth pass." In other words, when a person responds to another action, they are interpreting the meaning of the actions upon them, and often reflect back to the world a version of themselves based on what they perceive these outside meanings to be. I want to be able to reflect back to the world a version of myself that is strong, confident, resilient and compassionate. Sometimes, however, life and mental health gets in the way, and we reflect back a distorted image that we aren't good enough, we aren't lovable, we aren't important. I hope to always remind myself that there are wonderful people in my life who are constantly building me up and are always there for me when the actions of others or my own reactions get me down. If we are always choosing to act based on the activity which is already around us, then I want to choose love, I want to choose life.
"The world will knock you down more times than you can imagine. Don't knock yourself down." ~Adam Braverman, "Parenthood"
