In attempts not to sound too "complain-y" or downright debbie downer, I wanted to dedicate a post to what life is like for me, as a 20-something single academic in a big city. I have definitely spent a lot of time feeling defined by whether or not I was in a relationship-- and now, whether or not I am married-- by friends, family and the greater culture around me. As a feminist, I hate that I give in to those pressures to feel bad about myself because I don't have the same things that I "should" at this point in my life, as a woman. I fully believe that it is more than ok (even laudable!) to never get married, to never have kids, and refuse to give in to societal expectations about what being a woman means. However, as much as I can write about things from an "academic" perspective (even as a feminist), I will admit that I do want some of those things, and that is ok. Even when re-reading that paragraph, I notice that what I think and how I feel are totally different things, and that maybe I don't even fully believe what I write sometimes.
As I turned a year older this January, I reflected on where I thought my life would be at this age. I know that I am still young, but there was definitely something sad about ringing in another birthday without someone (a romantic partner) to share my life with. Ever since I was a little girl I would always think about what it would be like to get married, and how wonderful that would be to have someone to love, to have something that gives you that extra spark in an otherwise normal day, to get giddy about someone and for that to last. I found myself envious of yet another engagement surprise posted on facebook, or monumental steps taken by couples in romantic relationships: planning weddings, celebrating marriage, first houses, first vacations together, etc. I know that I don't necessarily feel called to have children, but the idea of having some sort of family that's mine and not just being "Aunt Karen" my whole life would still be nice. Being ok with the fact that that might not happen for me is a struggle but one in which I think is necessary to face. As a spin on the old addage is the question: "What if your Prince Charming never comes?"
The reality of the situation for many girls in their late 20s is that outside of a college environment and now in the workforce, it's difficult to find a lot of single people in the same age-range who share some of the same interests, values, etc. As the "sea" gets thinner and thinner, it's hard not to feel disheartened, thinking that you've somehow missed the boat. With years going by and relationships not working out, there is also a lot of baggage to deal with. How do you love yourself again and find your true authentic self after serious relationships fall apart? Do you have to wait to fully feel comfortable alone to try and let someone else in? I struggle with a lot of these questions, because above all else, I want to feel some sort of peace in the fact that I might not have someone to share my life with, and that it's still a dinner for 1-- but that doesn't make me any less loved. It's alone, but in a different way. Maybe that has its own beauty.
As I turned a year older this January, I reflected on where I thought my life would be at this age. I know that I am still young, but there was definitely something sad about ringing in another birthday without someone (a romantic partner) to share my life with. Ever since I was a little girl I would always think about what it would be like to get married, and how wonderful that would be to have someone to love, to have something that gives you that extra spark in an otherwise normal day, to get giddy about someone and for that to last. I found myself envious of yet another engagement surprise posted on facebook, or monumental steps taken by couples in romantic relationships: planning weddings, celebrating marriage, first houses, first vacations together, etc. I know that I don't necessarily feel called to have children, but the idea of having some sort of family that's mine and not just being "Aunt Karen" my whole life would still be nice. Being ok with the fact that that might not happen for me is a struggle but one in which I think is necessary to face. As a spin on the old addage is the question: "What if your Prince Charming never comes?"
The reality of the situation for many girls in their late 20s is that outside of a college environment and now in the workforce, it's difficult to find a lot of single people in the same age-range who share some of the same interests, values, etc. As the "sea" gets thinner and thinner, it's hard not to feel disheartened, thinking that you've somehow missed the boat. With years going by and relationships not working out, there is also a lot of baggage to deal with. How do you love yourself again and find your true authentic self after serious relationships fall apart? Do you have to wait to fully feel comfortable alone to try and let someone else in? I struggle with a lot of these questions, because above all else, I want to feel some sort of peace in the fact that I might not have someone to share my life with, and that it's still a dinner for 1-- but that doesn't make me any less loved. It's alone, but in a different way. Maybe that has its own beauty.
sing it, sista. you have literally wrote ALL of my thoughts/worries I'm experiencing right now too! Thanks :)
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